Finding Strength in Unexpected Places: Navigating New Motherhood with a Surprising Ally
May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness month, and over the past month I have found myself reflecting on my own experience as a new mom. When I became a mom for the first time I had been working as a therapist for a while, but I honestly did not know very much about the mental health complications that can occur in pregnancy and the postpartum period. So when I found myself really struggling after the birth of my first child, I dismissed my own experience and chalked it up as “normal.” I pushed through because that was what I thought I needed to do, and at times it was miserable. I felt isolated and often had thoughts about hopping in my car alone and driving away to escape. It wasn’t until I started to actually learn more about postpartum anxiety and depression that I was able to put my own journey into perspective. In hindsight, I realize that while becoming a new parent is hard, but it shouldn’t have been that hard. There was help out there that I didn’t know about. I didn’t need to push through on my own, I wish I had know that.
Several years ago I wrote the blog post below reflecting on a surprising relationship that helped me in so many ways after having my first baby. I am republishing it today to let anyone reading this know that it is not your fault if you are feeling depressed or anxious during pregnancy or after welcoming a new baby to your family. Help is out there, please reach out. And also, help can show up in some unsuspecting places.
Caring for a new baby is so extremely hard! Having a baby without a strong support system to help is even harder! When we had our first son, my husband and I lived far away from any family and friends. To say our “village” was small would be an understatement. Our village was practically nonexistent! Luckily, we had family members visit for the first month or so. But once the dust settled and everyone went home I found myself feeling alone and very isolated. If I am completely honest, there were many days when I felt like I was being pulled down into a deep, dark hole. Looking back now, there is a good chance I would have been diagnosed with postpartum depression.
But as I look back now on my experience, I realized that I was not alone. Yes, I had a wonderful husband, but this post isn’t about him. This post is about a surprising relationship that helped me more than anything else. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time how this relationship saved me. Oddly enough, or perhaps not oddly at all, this post is about my dog, Cali.
Oh boy, our Cali had a lot of energy! She needed time to run around and be active. If she didn’t get a walk every single day, she would be bouncing off the walls come the evening. So every day, regardless of how I was feeling, I packed up the stroller and went for a walk.
Some of the time, her daily walks would feel overwhelming. You know, those days when the thought of leaving the house felt like just too much. But she needed it, so I went. The days when walking her sounded like torture, it was hot and sticky, or the baby had barely slept the night before. But she needed it, so I went. The days when you just want to hook yourself up to an IV of coffee or hide in the pantry. But she needed her walk, so I went. That’s what I did. Every day.
Sometimes we walked for 30 minutes. Sometimes our walks lasted for hours. More times than not, they were the best part of my day. Our walks together gave me the strength, energy, and calm mind that helped me to tackle another exhausting day.
Looking back, I realize that as a new mom I took care of everyone else before myself. I told myself that she needed a walk, so I went. But really, by taking care of my Cali-girl, I got what I needed too. I think those walks saved me in those early months. I got out of the house. I got some exercise and sunshine on my face. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without her.
I've learned that help can come from surprising places. Also, getting outside at least once a day, even if it is just for 15 minutes can make a world of difference. So if you're a new mom, make a reoccurring walking date with a friend or another mom or even your dog. Make a plan to do something that replenishes and recharges you every day.
If this article was helpful to you, or you know someone it might help, please take a moment now to share this post. The more we talk about postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, the less stigmatized they will be. Thank you!
If you are pregnant or a new parent and you are in the need of assistance, please reach out to us or call (or text) the Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).
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